January 10, 2008
Ask Michael Wilbon? Not!
I suspect Washington Post sports columnist Michael Wilbon, self-anointed as omniscient and "never surprised," got banned from writing columns about the Redskins for a while after he posted the following about Sean Taylor in a chat as the Redskins safety was dying:I've known guys like Taylor all my life, grew up with some. They still have shades of gray and shouldn't be painted in black and white ... I know how I feel about Taylor, and this latest news isn't surprising in the least, not to me. Whether this incident is or isn't random, Taylor grew up in a violent world, embraced it, claimed it, loved to run in it and refused to divorce himself from it. He ain't the first and won't be the last. We have no idea what happened, or if what we know now will be revised later. It's sad, yes, but hardly surprising.Though what Wilbon said was true of Taylor until age 22 -- no one in the organization seemed to find him especially likeable until his daughter was born, and he only grew up the last two years of his life -- it goes too far to say he "embraced" and "claimed" a violent world anymore by the time he was 24.
While the blogosophere has hammered Wilbon for the particulars of this remark -- both his timing and his facts were w-a-a-a-ay off -- no one takes him to the woodshed better than the sports parodists at Kissing Suzy Kolber, in this column, Ask Michael Wilbon!
Bob T., Bethesda: Hi Mike, I’m a big fan. I just wanted to get your most recent thoughts on Sean Taylor’s death. Has your perspective changed at all in recent days?Read it all here. Am I jealous that I didn't write this myself? Yes. Am I surprised that a blog with the inspired name of Kissing Suzy Kolber has this caliber of parody? No.
Michael Wilbon: What a stupid question. I’m a journalist, okay? I stand by what I wrote. Is his death sad? Yes. Did it surprise me? Not in the least. Not any aspect of it at all. Not even the time it occurred, which was early morning. Now I knew Sean a little bit. Not a lot. Just a little bit. And I can tell you, that bad elements WERE a part of his life at some point. Maybe not anymore. But they were there. So don’t bring that junk about me having to change my perspective. Okay?
An inebriated Joe Namath leans in to try to kiss a ducking Suzy Kolber, announcing, "I want to kiss you. I couldn't care less about the team struggling." See the full YouTube video here, including the announcers' inane reaction, "Joe's just a happy guy!" ... "Isn't he!"
This reminds of this laugh-out-loud sports parody: Washington Redskins' long snapper Ethan Albright's profane purported rebuttal to John Madden at being rated the lowest of all the players on Madden '07: Ethan Albright Strikes Back. I've reproduced it with a few strategic earmuffs emoticons:
Albright even responded to the letter in this Post interview:
Even with the rating he probably would have remained anonymous were it not for a profanity-filled letter to NBC Sports analyst John Madden, who helped EA Sports develop the game. The letter carried Albright's name on the bottom with the signature line "Rot in Hell" that made its way around the Internet. He did not write the letter and admits that when he first saw it, "I laughed my butt off."Update Jan. 26, 2008: Ethan Albright has been added to the Pro Bowl, reports Redskins Insiders' Jason La Canfora, prompting a witty comment from micmoliver, "Wonder if this will increase his rating on Madden?"
Finally, as embarrassingly in the tank for Joe Gibbs as was my recent blog entry -- it might as well have been titled "How Joe Gibbs Saved My Marriage" -- apparently I am restrained compared to some fans of the coach, who believe Gibbs is both Jesus and want polygamy legalized so they can marry him. Blogger Patty Nixx writes:
I have to say that I have matured and blossomed into quite a gal. The first time Joe Gibbs retired, I climbed under a desk and wept like a turtle. This time, my phone rang at 6am and I figured either someone was dead or Joe Gibbs had retired so I approached the phone like a cougar hunting a bunny, took the news like an adult, and reached for some Xanax...like an adult. Joe has earned the right to do whatever he wants. He is Jesus in burgandy and gold. Ergo, if he wants to leave to spend time with his family, that's ok.......but if I see him out and about, he had better be covered with grandkids and cousins and doing family stuff or my new found maturity may decrease.She noted earlier during the Redskins' winning streak:
If anyone trash talks the above man, Joe Gibbs, they'll have to go through me. This man is a saint and after the way he's held the team together through Sean Taylor's murder, injuries, and all the heart breaking losses this year, win, lose, or draw, he is the man. If polygamy were legal in the state of Virginia, I would get down on my knee and offer both him and his lovely wife my hand in marriage. I think I speak for many in Redskin Nation when I say, "I'm sorry I ever doubted you, Joe". I actually declared my football season over about a month ago out of frustration. Now, Joe's leadership and Sean's guidance from above has had me drunkingly prancing about on Sundays again the last few weeks. At this point, when I look at Joe Gibbs, I see him wearing a robe and sandals with a beard and long hair turning water into wine. In fact, next time I see him, I shall simply hand him a jug of water, tell him I'm planning a cocktail party but I'm broke, so please do your thing. Help out a sister!Patty goes on to note, "I think every traffic circle in D.C. should have a bronze statue of him and I'd kiss the feet of the statue at every opportunity."
Wilbon's Post columnist buddy Mike Wise about nails all our hyperbole in this column when he notes that Gibbs was welcomed on his return four years with a rapture and "fanfare befitting George Patton and, well, Gandhi."
I finally was granted minutes ago a one-on-one interview with noted Redskins fan and Washington mood bellweather Mary G. Belliveau, my mother, who gives permission to quote her in my blog.
In this interview, she channels her late brother Robert F. Williams Jr., a long-time basketball coach in suburban Boston, in her understanding of sports:
"Coach Joe Gibbs, oh my goodness, we will miss him. Well I can understand why he retired, he gave 1,000 percent for four years, and I don't know if he could see the light at the end of the tunnel with Collins or not. He had a few moments of the spotlight and a few moments of hope, and an awful lot of of downers. What I remember about all the four years is the dropped footballs, I'm sorry to say, as a spectator. I don't know what he could do about it.
"There were some valiant efforts, some fellows who never stopped trying, there are some you wonder what they're doing there.
"He's such a wonderful person to have around anyway, he and Danny were matched, like the one before, Jack Kent Cooke, they were kind of matched."
Well that about says it. Here is a nice Washington Post graphic of bizarre problems and miscues that dogged the Gibbs II era -- Mom is on the money in her impression.
Now we'll just sit back and see if the 'Skins hire Bill Cowher, promote Gregg Williams, or go with Plan C. Maybe get some big receivers who can hang on to the ball along with a new coach.
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