February 13, 2007
Where women choose the men they wed
"Love comes first into the heart of the woman. Once it's in the woman, only then can it jump into the man."
Isn't that a wonderful quote? It was relayed to me last week by Rukmini Callimachi, a reporter for the Associated Press in Dakar, Senegal.
Rukmini had some questions for me on European and American women who visit the Gambia for affairs with local men. I provided her information on Africa from my book, 
Romance on the Road. We had a wonderful, warm conversation, and she said, "I have to send you a link to an article I wrote on this island off West Africa. It's matrilineal, and women pick men they like by giving them a plate of food."
What better topic for Valentine's Day? Here is a link to Rukmini's article, Where women alone choose whom to wed:
ORANGO ISLAND, Guinea-Bissau � He was 14 when the girl entered his grass-covered hut and placed a plate of steaming fish in front of him.Like all men on this African isle, Carvadju Jose Nananghe knew exactly what it meant. Refusing was not an option. His heart pounding, he lifted the aromatic dish, prepared with an ancient recipe, to his lips, agreeing in one bite to marry the girl.
"I had no feelings for her," said Nananghe, now 65. "Then when I ate this meal, it was like lightning. I wanted only her."
In this archipelago of 50 islands off the western rim of Africa, it's women, not men, who choose. They make their proposals public by offering their grooms-to-be a dish of distinctively prepared fish, marinated in red palm oil. Once they have asked, men are powerless to say no.
To have refused, explained Nananghe, remembering the day half a century ago, would have dishonored his family � and in any case, why would he want to choose his own wife?
"Love comes first into the heart of the woman," he explained. "Once it's in the woman, only then can it jump into the man."
We laughed after Rukmini told me about this quote. She also recently broke the story of Whoopi Goldberg getting her blood tested and finding out that her ancestors arrived from Guinea-Bissau (West African Nation Lays Claim to Whoopi). Rukmini told me the letter from Guinea-Bissau to Whoopi called her "Your Excellency Hoppy" Goldberg.
I don't think I've laughed so much ever when being interviewed for the first time over the phone by a journalist.
Rukmini, in her earlier assignment for AP covering New Orleans, broke the story of the Big Easy selling its flooded buses on eBay. It sounds like she is doing a bang-up job covering West Africa now, too. Good luck Rukmini and let me know if you need a research buddy on your Gambia trip!
- posted by jbelliveau at 6:32 PM in Love, Sex, Romance and Travel
